people are starting to question the shark bite story
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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