Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
