This is not my ceiling
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
