just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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