Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
