I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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