I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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