Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
