I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
