I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
