can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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