I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
