i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
