Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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