Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
