why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
