so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
