I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
