Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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