my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
