tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
