I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
