Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
