When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
