Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
