He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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