he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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