Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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