Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
