I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
