So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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