Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
