Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
