Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
