I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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