I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
