So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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