Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize