we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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