I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize