I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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