He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
