Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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