i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
