my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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