I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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