Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
