i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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