just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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