ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
