i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
