Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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