Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
