so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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