I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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