Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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