I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Someone came in the potted fern
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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