Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
