We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
