guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
