nut hugger
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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