please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
