dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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