Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
