I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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