I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
