Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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