According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
